Tuesday, 29 January 2013

It's not really the end, isn't it?


I never really expected to meet such AMAZING people in college. I expected another dull 4 years of constant ignorance, loneliness, insecurity, and counting down until graduation. But, no. I like it here. I like college and I just love how it gives me this "free" feeling.

I don't understand why people are so clingy towards their high school lives because I am (In a all honesty) so freaking happy I got over those 4 years. Those years were just... dark. I only wanted to go to school so I could still see the friends I learned to love... and to educate myself. I never really really really liked it there.

I am so sorry.

But in college, I feel like a different person, someone who's more like... me. Sure, I miss my high school friends, but god freaking damn, I DO NOT miss high school at all :)) Silence period? Eh, I'm okay without it.
The all-girls thing? Still okay without it. The friendship with teachers? ...eh hahaha okay sure i'm okay without it. All the free guidance talks? They never really worked for me. 

I am so sorry. 

But now I feel appreciated and loved. And it's not like they'e required to love me because this love feels smooth. I love these people so much. It burns with the fire of a thousand suns and i'm scared for the only few years I'll be staying in this school. I don't want to lose them. 

I've been smiling and laughing a lot.

It feels good :)

Monday, 31 December 2012

Happy new year!

It's 2013, fireworks going off, plates being passed around, smoke everywhere, noises going berserk, kids jumping, music playing, it's two thousand freaking thirteen!

Can you believe it?

Two thousand freaking thirteen!

And we're still alive. (I figured that comment was necessary because of the end-of-the-world thing)

Anyway, I really do hope this year's going to special. Thirteen is my favorite number :)

Happy new year, everyone! I hope the universe delivers even the slightest bit of happiness at your doorstep.

Friday, 28 December 2012

Seventeen

Common question I receive every time it's my birthday: So, how does it feel?

It feels like the present. I mean, we grow every second, right? We grow, we think, we process, we hurt, we live, we cry, we laugh, we bask, we sleep, we are always doing stuff. There's no time for the body to stop. We are always doing something, either voluntary or involuntary.

But, of course, if we look at it in another way, being at a certain age differs from being at another age. Am I making sense? 16 didn't feel like 14. 14 didn't feel like 10. 10 didn't feel like 6. 6 didn't feel like 2.

It's the change we fail to see, I guess. We see life as this cycle where we do stuff all over again, but it's not actually the same all the time. In the classroom, you sit on the same chair over and over and over again, but there's a change there. Did you converse with your seatmate about the same stuff again? Same words, same spaces for laughter? I don't think so. We go home each day, but the thoughts in our minds aren't exactly the same.

"So, how does it feel?"

How does it feel to not say "I'm sixteen" again or how does it feel to be 17?

I don't know? It feels like the present?

Being asked that question on your birthday sort of feels like waking up in the morning and being asked "So, how was your day?"

~~~

I got cheesecake and red velvet cake from my mom and my sister <3

Also, thanks for the birthday wishes. I really appreciated them :D I hope seventeen's gonna be a blast.

Monday, 24 December 2012

For a second there, I thought I lost you.

Someone used my laptop to check her accounts so it got logged out and I forgot my log in details.

BUT I'M HERE YAY.

Merry Christmas, you guys :) I'm wishing for a lot of things. I really do hope 2013 will be better. It does get better, right?

Monday, 17 December 2012

You know what?

You make me feel like i'm the ugliest girl in the world. You make me feel like i'm really, really, really, really, unattractive. You make me feel like I own the world's most unusual personality. You make me feel like a bundle of failures, a puddle of unattractive goo, a sack of crap.

And you know what? You know what?

I still like you.

Because you know what? Every time you just seem to notice that i'm alive, breathing, capable of feelings, and I exist

You make me feel pretty.

And I like that feeling, you know?

You really are something else.

Saturday, 15 December 2012

My bangs, my forehead, and my eyebrows.


Back in June, my bangs were pretty darn short. I decided to have it cut until my eyebrows and I had to go through a month and a half of school with bangs that covered all of my forehead.

You see, I have this face

This face has a forehead

Near this forehead are my eyebrows

And they make me look really mean.

I know, I know it's weird, but it really does. A friend of mine told me so. She told me it made me look really mean and a little bit intimidating. And if she hasn't met me yet, and saw me across the room with my bangs nowhere to be found and my eyebrows exposed to world, she wouldn't have said "Hi". 

I'll be keeping my bangs for a while. They're 3 and a half inches longer now, though.

I want happy things to happen :c

Just this once, I don't want people to say "BUT THERE ARE HAPPY THINGS THAT ARE CURRENTLY HAPPENING. YOU JUST DON'T NOTICE THEM."

That's the thing. I don't notice them because 1. I'm probably "dead" or "somewhere else" 2. Those happy things probably don't concern me at the moment. It is very selfish of me and I know I should be happy for other people's happiness, but wouldn't it be really odd if I just couldn't stop smiling and squealing and probably couldn't sleep because someone finally got that new shirt they've always wanted? I'll explain more in the next paragraph. Oh god I sound so selfish. 3. Sometimes, because of the lack of "happy things" actually happening to you, and the unfair amount of "happy things" happening to someone else, you just fail to notice many things because you seem to be swimming in a pool of envious depression. 4. I know there are happy things happening all around, but they're all different to some degree. Some make you go "aaww", some make you go "Oh wow", some make you go "HORREH FREAKING SHET -squeals-", and some make you cry.

Anyway, let's go back to number 2 because I just think I need to explain things. You see, the happiness you feel when someone experiences "happy things" and the happiness you feel when you're the one actually experiencing "happy things" aren't the same. The first one is more of a "THANK GOD ALLELUIA" feeling and the other one's more like "OH GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH UNIVERSE I FEEL SO GOOOOD". Uhm, do you get it or? I mean, it's normal to hurt a little bit when someone else is experiencing truck loads of happy things, like life's practically throwing it at their faces, and you're just... there, right?

Now this is the part where people would tell me "BUT THERE ARE HAPPY THINGS THAT ARE CURRENTLY HAPPENING. YOU JUST DON'T NOTICE THEM."

go back to paragraph number 2.